: : Politically Correct : :

Dear gentlemen,

How to be politically correct with women?

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE.
She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

She is not a BAD COOK.
She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY.
She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

She is not CONCEITED.
She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

She does not want to be MARRIED.
She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.

She does not GAIN WEIGHT.
She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.

She does not TEASE or FLIRT.
She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

She is not DUMB.
She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She is not TOO SKINNY.
She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE.
She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.

She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS.
She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.

She has not BEEN AROUND.
She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME.
She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

She does not GO SHOPPING.
She is MALL FLUENT.

She is not an AIR HEAD.
She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY.
She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She does not get FAT or CHUBBY.
She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.

She is not COLD or FRIGID.
She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP.
She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

She does not NAG YOU.
She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.